


you look happy to meet me

by philindas



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Inspired by The Sound of Music, Nanny Phil Coulson, Parent Melinda May
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10130198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/philindas/pseuds/philindas
Summary: When Phil Coulson is sent from the monastery to be a nanny to a group of unruly children, he believes it will simply strengthen his resolve to take his holy orders. Then, he meets the children's mother, Melinda May, a retired Air Force pilot, and finds himself enthralled by the quiet, stern woman with dark eyes and a rare smile.





	1. how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote some of this story in drabbles on tumblr, but now this is the full-blown thing! The first chapter isn't very long, just a way to start the story out. Title is from Edelweiss.

“He missed mass. _Again_.”

Father Fury rubbed at his temples in exhaustion at Father Bruce’s voice, sighing. “Do you know where he is?”

“I believe Father Sam said he last saw him in the Library, sir,” Banner replies, and Fury sighs. “I don’t think he’s suited for this life.”

“It’s not for us to judge, Bruce, you know that,” Fury tells him, and Bruce dips his head in acknowledgement.

“Ms. Carter called, from the May residence?” Bruce piped up, and Fury nodded.

“Find Phil for me,” he tells him. “I have an idea, to help him find his path.”

Bruce nodded, and disappeared- Fury was sorting through some paperwork at the rap of knuckles on the door- Phil Coulson stepped into his office, looking meek.

“Father, I’m sorry-”

“Coulson, sit,” he interrupted the stuttering man, and he sat, red-faced. “I think we both know you’re not fully committed to this life yet.”

“Sir, I’m-“

“Coulson. Let me talk,” Fury was calm as he interrupted, and Coulson sighed, sitting back. “There’s a post for a nanny- a family I know needs someone to care for their seven children for a few months. I’m going to send you.”

“Sir?” Phil asks, confused, and Fury leaned forward, elbows on the desk.

“Take some time, Coulson. Figure out what you want- and you’re good with kids, I’ve seen you with the youth groups. You’ll be good as a nanny,” he tells him, and he watches as Phil swallows. “The monastery isn’t going anywhere.”

“Yes sir,” Phil answers, though he still looks skeptical.

“Go pack your things- a bus will take you into town tomorrow,” Fury tells him, and Phil nods. “God be with you, Coulson.”

The younger man leaves, and Fury sits back, rubbing at his temples.

_

Phil clutches his bag closer to him as the bus jostles, swallowing hard.

He didn’t know the first thing about nannying, but he also didn’t really know the first thing about being a monk, either, and he’d been studying that for nearly fifteen years. And Father Fury had a point- he wasn’t fully committed to the church, even though he knew he loved it.

“Providence!” the driver calls, and Phil straightens his shoulders, standing up when the bus stopped. Dust swirls around him as it takes off, and he sets off down the dirt path as Fury had directed him.

He hums to himself as he walked down the path- his eyes widen at the sight of the large house he encounters at the end of it. It’s stunning and white, with pillars and black trim and a large backyard, a gazebo settled among trees.

He steels himself before he knocks- there are a few moments before it’s opened, a woman with dark, curly hair and warm eyes opens the door. Her red-painted lips curve into a smile.

“You must be Phil, Fury called ahead,” she invites him in. “I’m Peggy, the housekeeper- I’ll just grab the captain, hang on a ‘mo.”

She leaves him in the foyer, and Phil looks at the vaulted ceiling in awe. The click of shoes on the hardwood draws his attention, and a short, dark-haired Asian woman strides in, dressed in black. She’s, in a word, stunning, and Phil’s mouth dries.

“I’m Captain May, you’re from the monastery?” she asks, and Phil nods.

“Phil Coulson,” he starts to answer, and she nods, cutting him off as she hands him a thin strip of metal.

“I’m sorry. A whistle?” Phil asked, taking the slim silver rod from the Captain; she simply raises an eyebrow before she blows three sharp notes on a whistle of her own, and there’s the rustle of footsteps on the stairs.

A group of children descend before lining up from shortest to tallest, and the Captain’s shoulders are tight as she watches the group straighten themselves up. Five girls and two boys stare at him, and the Captain clears her throat.

“Children, this is Phil. Your new nanny,” she informs them, and the oldest girl merely raises an eyebrow in interest. “Introduce yourselves, please.”

The youngest girl steps forward first- she has dark hair and she’s missing a front tooth when she grins. “I’m Daisy! I’m five,” she tells him, holding up her hand with five fingers splayed proudly. The smallest twitch of the Captain’s lips tells him she’s amused before the next child steps forward.

“I’m Jemma. This is Fitz. We’re nine,” she informs him, pointing to the curly-haired boy beside her who’s barely stepped forward, a stuffed monkey clutched under his arm.

“I’m Bobbi- with an i, not a y, I’m not a  _boy_ \- and I’m twelve,” a blonde girl with a ponytail steps forward next, and her hair swishes as she steps back.

“Natasha. Fourteen,” the redheaded girl beside her says, not even stepping forward. The blonde boy next to her shoots her a look, but merely sighs before stepping forward.

“I’m Clint. Fifteen,” he states before he steps back, elbowing Natasha and receiving a glare from her. Finally, the tall brunette girl on the end steps forward, arms folded over her chest.

“I’m Maria, I’m nearly seventeen, and I do  _not_ need a nanny,” she tells him, chin jutting out just a hint before she steps back into line. The Captain steps forward, looking unamused at some of her older children, before she turns to Phil.

“Each child has their own whistle command, should you need them,” she starts, and Phil’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline. “Learn them, and use them.”

“What about their names?” he asks, raising one shoulder, and Captain May raises an eyebrow.

“It’s a large house. I’ll not have you shouting when you have need of one of the children,” she answers, moving to walk away. “Soon enough, we’ll have to come up with a command should I need you.”

She says nothing else, and when she’s nearly at the doorway, Phil speaks again.

“I’m sorry Captain, it’s just- you didn’t tell me what command to use should I need you,” he calls, watching as her shoulders stiffen before she turns around.

“Just Captain will do,” she replies through tight lips, and Phil shrugs.

“But the shouting, Captain,” he continues, watching as her dark eyes flashed before she turned, leaving him with seven curious children. “Okay, can we do the names a little slower this time, and maybe a fun fact?”

He’s met with a mixture of unamused eyebrows, mildly hostile stares, and a gaptoothed grin from the youngest member of the May family.


	2. i have confidence in sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil learns to be a nanny. The kids learn they actually don't mind this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the two and a half month break, but I hope this chapter is worth the wait. Title from I Have Confidence.

“So, who wants to go first?” Phil asks, giving a hesitant smile, and it’s the eldest that finally speaks after rolling her eyes.

“I’m Maria. Seventeen. Mom adopted me when I was seven,” she starts, sighing. “And I like pancakes.”

“See! That was fun, who wants to be next,” Phil’s smile grows to full-blown, and it’s the middle girl who steps forward, ponytail swishing as she giggles a little.

“I’m Bobbi! I’m twelve, Mama adopted me six years ago, and I have a green belt in karate,” she beams proudly at that, blue eyes bright, and her enthusiasm is contagious, because the taller boy steps forward, tugging on her ponytail.

“I’m Clint. I like archery,” he says, lifting a hand to show off calloused fingers. “This is Nat. She does ballet and likes spiders.”

“I don’t like spiders. I like reading about black widow spiders because it freaks Mama out,” Nat answers petulantly, arms folded tightly over her chest as she glares at Clint. “I’m fourteen, and I don’t need a nanny. I’m not a baby.”

“I guess we’ll have to be friends then,” Phil tells her lightly, and the look the redheaded teen gives him is a mix of apprehension and confusion. The tension breaks when one of the twins speaks.

“I’m Jemma, and this is Fitz. We’re nine,” she tells him, smiling as Fitz fiddles with one of her pigtails in the hand not clutching his stuffed monkey to his chest. “I like science, and Fitz likes math!”

“And- and m-m-monkeys,” he mumbles softly, face buried in his animal, and Maria wraps her arm around him, musing his hair affectionately as he turns his face into her hip.

“If this meet-and-greet session is complete, I’ll show you to your room, Mr. Coulson,” Peggy interrupts, tweaking Daisy’s nose and drawing a giggle from the girl when she winks, and Phil picks up his suitcase, following the Brit up the stairs. He reaches into his pocket, and comes in contact with something cold and slimy- he jumps, flinging it away, and a frog ribbits as it begins to hop towards the door.

A chorus of laughter draws his attention, and all of the children are giggling behind their hands- when Phil looks up at Peggy, a few steps above him, she merely has an eyebrow raised and her lips pursed.

“Guess I forgot he was in my pocket,” Phil says after a moment, watching as the children slowly began to frown, and turned back to Peggy, following her up the stairs.

The room she guides him too is small but clean, a bed and chest of drawers, connected to a small personal bathroom. Phil sets his single suitcase on the ground, and Peggy leans against the doorframe.

“I’ll run into town tomorrow, buy you some new clothes,” she says, and Phil turns, going to protest, but she holds a finger up, shaking her head. “No buts. That suit is horrendous.”

Phil looks down- it’s a brown and white pin-striped jacket and a different shade of brown pants, the only thing the monastery had been able to give him before sending him away.

“The poor didn’t want this one,” he replies sheepishly, and Peggy laughs, red lips parting to show white teeth.

“I’ll fix that for you darling,” she tells him, straightening up. “Dinner is in an hour, I’ll let you get settled.”

She leaves him to himself, shutting the door behind her. He considers unpacking his few belongings, but that feels too permanent, so he pulls out the Bible he’d brought, trying to focus enough to read it- instead, he finds his thoughts straying to Captain May.

He’s intrigued by his new employer, and the rigid way she carried herself. Father Fury had mentioned she’d been in a war, but was retired now, and Phil wonders what had happened to make her eyes so lined with sadness.

He’s barely read a single verse when there’s a knock on his door, and Daisy peeks her head in, grinning.

“It’s dinner time! Mrs. Peggy made lasagna,” she tells him, waiting for him to stand and carefully place his Bible on top of his dresser. “What’s that book?”

“It’s my Bible,” he tells her, letting her lead him out of the room- she reaches for his hand as they start down the stairs, and he lets her grip him tightly as she goes down them one foot at a time.

“Is that the God book? Mama says that’s the God book. She never reads hers though,” Daisy informs him, and Phil chuckles under his breath.

“Yes, Daisy, it’s the God book,” he answers, and she giggles before she darts off, settling in the seat next to the Captain. The seat at the opposite end is open- he sits down briefly before he jumps up, wincing as he picks up a disturbingly large pinecone. “Someone forget their snack.”

The Captain gives a soft snort of amusement, and Maria looks vaguely chastised as he sets it aside, sitting in his seat.

“Your children are very amusing, Captain,” Phil says conversationally as he picks up his fork, and seven heads whip in his direction. “I feel quite welcomed into your home.”

Daisy’s lip is the first to start to tremble, and Phil takes a bite of lasagna as Jemma’s eyes get a little teary next. The Captain’s eyebrow slowly rises as the other children look equally upset, and Phil merely continues to eat- Peggy hides a laugh in her hand.

“What is the matter with you all?” the Captain asks, looking between her children, but they’re all too busy looking at their plates in shame to answer. Phil takes another bite of lasagna.

“This is exquisite, Peggy,” he tells her, and the older woman grins.

“I’m quite enjoying it myself,” she answers, and the Captain looks between them a moment before she shakes her head, picking up her own fork.

“Eat, or it’s early bedtime for everyone,” she tells them, and with a grumble, the kids pick up their forks.

Phil just continues to eat with a smile.

_

The house rattles with thunder as Phil turns down the covers of his bed, and he winces slightly at the loud boom. He’s sorting out some of his clothing, placing it in the drawers of the dresser when the window rattles, and it opens as a rain-soaked Maria clambers in from the balcony, shivering.

“I went for a walk after dinner and got caught in the rain. Yours was the only window unlocked,” she tells him, and Phil merely raises an eyebrow. Maria’s face adopts a pleading look, and he sighs, pointing towards the bathroom before he pulls out a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt.

“Go dry off. You can borrow these to get to your bedroom,” he tells her, and she offers him a half-smirk before she slips into the bathroom to dry off.

Thunder booms again, and he turns at the sound of footsteps on the landing; standing in the doorway, shaking, are Daisy, Jemma, and Fitz.

“The thunder got you scared?” he asked, and three heads shaking no furiously- but thunder booms again, and all three rush forward, gripping his legs as they tremble. “Alright, climb up on the bed you three.”

Jemma helps Fitz up as Phil picks Daisy up, placing her on the bed, and she gives him a tremulous smile even as she shakes, tiny hand reaching back to grip both Jemma and Fitz’s hands tightly in her own.

“Think your other siblings will be joining us?” Phil asks, and Jemma shakes her head.

“They’re too old. They don’t get scared,” she insists, wrapping her arm around Daisy. All four of them look up at the sound of more footsteps that follow closely behind the loudest boom of thunder yet, and Bobbi, Clint, and Natasha stand in the doorway, wide-eyed and trembling.

“We just…wanted to see if you were all okay,” Natasha says, straightening her spine, and Clint nods.

“We weren’t scared,” he adds, but then the sky booms once more, and the three teenagers end up in the bed with the rest of their siblings. Maria comes out of the bathroom, the faded  _The Who_  shirt swamping her as she towels off her hair. A flash of lightning strikes just as the wind pushes open the window, and she’s on the bed as well, letting Daisy snuggle into her side as Nat holds Jemma and Fitz on either side of her.

Phil goes to close the window when there’s another set of footsteps, and the Captain is in the doorway, eyebrow raised in question at the collection of children settled on Phil’s bed.

“Why are the children out of bed, Mr. Coulson?” she asked, a vaguely annoyance in her voice, and Daisy piped up from Maria’s side.

“The thunder was scary, Mama,” she says, voice trembling with her fear, and the Captain’s demeanor softens a little at her youngest daughter’s obvious terror.

“Come on, kids. Your own beds, please,” she asks, this time in a quieter voice, and Natasha takes Jemma’s hand as Clint takes Fitz’s- the Captain comes to pick Daisy up as Maria gets off the bed, and her eyebrow raises at her eldest. “You disappeared after dinner.”

“Went for a walk,” she answers stiffly, and May lets her go as she settles the littlest one on her hip. She looks at Phil, tilting her chin up a little. “The children have a bedtime for a reason.”

“Every kid is afraid of thunder,” he replies, shrugging. “Sometimes you just need a bigger bed to get into for a little bit.”

May regards him with dark, unreadable eyes until Daisy shifts, rubbing at her own eyes sleepily and drawing her attention. “Well goodnight, Mr. Coulson. We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Captain,” he answers softly, watching her walk away and murmur soothingly to Daisy- finding he was still unable to get a good read on his new, frustratingly interesting employer.

The door shut behind her, and he sank onto the bed, picking up the damp towel Maria had dried her hair with. Captain May was an enigma- she was quiet and stern, but she clearly adored her children behind the steel façade she showcased. He couldn’t figure her out, and there was something about her that was so…strangely familiar it left him unsettled.

Phil shut off the light and curled under the covers of the new, unfamiliar bed and closed his eyes as the thunder boomed.

_

It is shockingly easy to fall into the routine of the May family.

Mondays meant ballet for Nat and Daisy, karate for Bobbi, and SAT prep for Maria. Tuesdays were spent at the park. Wednesdays were ballet once again, archery at the local area for Clint, and taking Jemma and Fitz to the local library for an advanced reading course with a few college professors. Thursdays involved more karate and more SAT prep, and Fridays were game night. He was given Saturdays and Sundays off, but he usually spent them reading in the backyard, enjoying the sunshine.

Most evenings he spends in the living room after the children had gone to sleep- he reads, or writes, or checks over the kids’ homework while the Captain does work in her study. He’s bursting with questions for her- he wants to know everything about the children, how she’d come to adopt each one, what all their stories were. But he restrains himself because she always looks stressed when she leaves her office at night.

It takes about a week and a half of working in the May house before Phil’s curiosity gets the better of him.

“Is there a reason Fitz doesn’t talk?” he finally asks the Captain one night- he’d been reading, the kids all already in bed, and she’d appeared from her study, looking tired, but with a smile playing around her lips. She sinks into the chair opposite him, running a hand through her hair and sighing softly.

“He was in an accident when he was four,” she starts, settling back into the chair and folding her hands in her lap. “Fitz and Jemma didn’t have the best parents- they were left near a pool unsupervised, and Fitz fell in. He nearly drowned, but Jemma somehow managed to pull her twin out. That’s how they came to stay with me- I fostered them for not even a year before I adopted them.”

Her lips twitch into a sad smile.

“It’s hard for him to talk- he can, but he stutters, and it embarrasses him,” she continues, and Phil makes a mental note for himself. “He and Jemma have always seemed to have a sort of…mental link, that way twins do. She speaks for him.”

“They’re all good kids, Captain,” Phil tells her, watching as her lips unconsciously turn upwards, cheeks turning the barest trace of pink.

“Thank you,” she replies, genuine kindness in her voice.

“Can I ask why you decided to foster kids?” his question is hesitant, but the Captain gives a soft smile.

“I was married, once, a long time ago,” she starts, and his eyebrows raise in interest. “We wanted kids, but nothing happened, so we went to a doctor. She told us the chances of me actually carrying a child were pretty insignificant.”

Sadness mars her features briefly, and Phil finds the urge to comfort her bubble inside him, startling him.

“I was deployed not long after that. Something terrible happened- that’s why I retired from active duty,” she continues, voice quieting a little. “I came back a different person. And I found divorce papers waiting for me.”

Phil frowns, and May shrugs.

“Not long after that, Maria’s parents died- I’d grown up with her mother and she’d made me her godmother, and she had no other family, so I was named her guardian. It helped me find myself again, taking care of her. So I adopted her when she turned nine,” her lips curl upwards a little at that. “I signed up to be a foster parent, and six months later Clint showed up, and Nat wasn’t far behind- they’d been at a previous home together, and I knew I couldn’t keep them separated, so I adopted them both.”

May’s entire face was happier than he’d ever seen it, talking about her kids, and something in his chest twists a little, molten hot as he looks at her.

“When Maria was eleven I fostered Bobbi, and they grew so close so quickly I knew she had to be a part of our family,” she continues, glancing at a photo on the mantle. “That was when I adopted her.”

A small Bobbi with no front teeth and a pair of pigtails beams at him, the Captain smiling softly as she kneeled beside her- Maria, Clint, and Nat were on Bobbi’s other side, all small and smiling.

“Then Jemma and Fitz were next, and the minute I saw them, I knew they didn’t belong anywhere else,” something changes in her face when she talks about her twins, and her gaze drops to her fingers. She swallows hard before she looks up again, face composed. “And Daisy is my newest- I adopted her just before she turned two. She just…felt like mine, the minute I held her.”

“You’re a really good Mom, Captain,” Phil tells her earnestly, and she gives a soft laugh, amusement in her eyes.

“You can call me Melinda, you know,” she tells him, raising an eyebrow. “You’re in charge of my children- I think we can afford to be a little less formal.”

“Alright…Melinda,” he replies, and she gives the shortest laugh, tossing her hair back. “Thank you for telling me more about your kids.”

“I like talking about them,” she confesses, and they share a smile.

“I won’t tell them that,” he whispers conspiratorially, and that draws an even wider smile from her before she shifts forward, moving as though to stand.

“I’m flying to New York tomorrow- I’ll be gone for two weeks,” she tells him, and he tries to school his features into an uninterested expression- based on her amused eyebrow quirk, he fails. “I have…a friend there. And you’ve proven to be good with my children- I trust you to watch over them while I’m away.”

“Say no more,” Phil says, lifting his hands and standing, her compliment warm as it settled in his chest. “I should get to sleep- Daisy’ll be up before dawn again, tomorrow’s ballet day.”

Melinda smiles as Phil turns to go, and he feels her eyes on him as he heads up the stairs, holding his breath until he was out of sight.

_

The children are all rather grumpy when they awaken to find their mother gone. Peggy tells him it happens every time she leaves for New York, and he frowns, wishing he knew a way to lift their spirits.

He’s looking through some old family albums Peggy had directed him to when an idea strikes him.

“Who wants to go ice skating?” the kids have various reactions when he asks- Daisy starts bouncing up and down, tugging on Bobbi’s arm, who looks like she’s trying hard not to smile. Jemma looks at Fitz for a moment before she nods, grinning, and Maria shrugs.

“Mom used to take me all the time, when it was just us,” she says, and Nat’s fingers slip into her older sister’s. “It’d be nice, Daisy’s never been.”

The five year old shakes her head seriously, folding her fingers under her chin and looking up at Phil solemnly.

“Please Phil? Please?” she asked, batting her eyelashes, and Phil laughs, ruffling her hair.

“Go put your shoes on- we’ll walk into town, I noticed a rink when I came through the first day,” he tells them, and the kids scamper off. Peggy looks up from the bills she has spread out on the table, raising an eyebrow.

“Ice skating?” she asks, and Phil shrugs, flushing a little.

“I…might have found some pictures. Of the Captain and Maria,” he starts, and the housekeeper laughs, shaking her head.

“You’re quite a charming man, you know,” she says, smirking. “The Captain used to be like that, you know. But something changed, after her last mission.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, frowning, and Peggy shrugs.

“She was different. Smiled more- didn’t wear so much black,” she answers, lips twitching sadly. “But that’s not my story to tell. If you want the details you’ll have to talk to the Captain herself.”

Phil snorted. “Yeah, because talking to her and having her actually talk back is easy.”

Peggy smiles at that. “I don’t know. You’ve gotten her to talk more than the last three- even Wilson was a charmer, but he couldn’t impress her.”

The kids bustle in before he can reply, and the British woman winks as he’s ushered out in a sea of excited, babbling children.

_

“Look Phil! Look! I’m going, I’m really going!” Phil claps as Daisy wobbles on the ice, Clint and Nat close by her sides as she moved forward in a shaky, jagged line.

Maria’s doing figure eights, muscle memory having kicked in almost instantly. Jemma is chattering away to Fitz about the science of ice skating, and he’s fairly certain he hears the formula to turn water to ice somewhere in the chatter. Bobbi clutches his hand tightly, knees shaky.

“I don’t think I like this, Phil,” she tells him, shivering even in her thick woolen beanie and coat. Phil smiles softly.

“Let’s just go one step at a time, okay?” he suggests, and though Bobbi looks skeptical, she nods. Together they step out onto the ice, and Bobbi stumbles, but Phil rights her, holding her upright. “Alright, left first.”

Bobbi moves with him, and the shaking stops as she starts to get the hang of the motion of skating. Soon enough, she’s gliding along, beaming and giggling, and Maria comes over, offering her hands.

“C’mon, Bob. Let’s skate together,” she says, and Bobbi grins, nodding, as she takes her older sister’s hands. Maria winks at Phil before she and Bobbi take off, and before he knows it, Jemma and Fitz have each taken a hold of one of his hands.

“Phil, this is so fun!” Jemma tells him, pigtails bouncing even under her hat, and he smiles down at her.

“I think so too,” he tells her, before he looks at Fitz, who’s tugging on his monkey hat. “Having fun Fitz?”

 The little boy nods, and screws up his face after a moment.

“I l-like it,” he gets out after a moment, and Phil grins, squeezing his hand.

“Alright guys- I think some hot chocolate is in order!” he calls, and the other five kids all make their way over to him. He ushers them out of the rink, and Nat is the last one- she stops him with a hand on his arm, and her signature glare is still in place, but there’s no hostility to it now.

“This was fun,” she tells him grudgingly, muttering under her breath. “Thank you, Phil.”

“You’re welcome, Nat,” he tells her, smiling, and she raises one corner of her mouth before she steps out of the rink, going to help Jemma with her skates.

Phil grins to himself.

_

“Phil?” he looks up from the homework he’s looking over- Jemma’s math homework was more advanced than anything he’d seen, but she still liked to have him look it over before she placed it in her folder- at Daisy’s voice. The little girl is coloring- something for her mom, she’d told him, with bright colors and the word  _Mom_  written painstakingly in pink glitter glue.

“Yes, Daisy?” he replies, and she rests her chin on her hand.

“Why do you wanna be a monk?” she asks, and both Jemma and Fitz look up, clearly curious as well.

“Well, it’s all I’ve really ever thought about, I guess,” he answers after a moment, lips twitching into the briefest frown. “Father Fury took me in when I was just a kid, after my parents died, and I’ve never really known any other way of life.”

“But you’re so good at this!” Jemma tells him, eagerness in her eyes. “I know you don’t really know math, but you make really good grilled cheese and you have the best bedtime stories and you even taught Bobbi how to whistle, with just that blade of grass!”

Phil laughs a little at that, and it’s Fitz that pipes up next.

“I- I think you should- should stay here,” he tells him, concentrating hard on the words. “For- forever.”

Phil leans over, ruffling the boy’s curls and drawing a smile from Fitz. “Well, I’m not going anywhere yet. Your mom is still in New York, and won’t be back for another couple hours.”

“Phil!” he turns at the voice in the doorway- Natasha skids into the room, Clint close behind, and Bobbi nearly plows into him when they both stop abruptly. “Phil it’s snowing! Can we go outside, please? Please, please, please?”

He looks at his younger charges, all three of them with their fists pressed under their chins, puppy dog expressions on their faces, and he caves.

“Okay- coats on, please, and hats and gloves!” he calls, and they all dash off, helping each other with their winter things. He stands, placing Jemma’s homework carefully in her folder before putting it into her backpack, and pulling out the kettle, leaving it to warm on the stove.

He looks up at the sound of footsteps, and a pair of hands take his scarf from where he’s struggling to knot it with his gloves, and the Captain’s voice is amused when she speaks.

“As amusing as it is to watch you struggle, I think you’re missing out on the snowball fight teams being formed,” she tells him, dark eyes flashing. “Try to get on Clint’s team- my son has perfect aim.”

Phil laughs.

“Care to join us, Captain?” he asks, and surprise briefly crosses over May’s face.

“Oh, I-” her answer is cut off by her phone ringing, and Phil sees the word Steve on the screen before she picks it up. “I can’t. My…friend is calling. About my trip to New York next week. I got in earlier than I expected today, but they need me back in the city next week. I should only be gone a few days, but- the kids won't be happy with me.”

Melinda looks genuinely apologetic, but something in Phil’s gut twists and he merely offers a half-smile. Before he can speak, the back door opens, and Maria peeks her head in.

“Coming, Phil? We’re building our bases!” her brown eyes sparkle with excitement, and Phil pushes the odd feeling in his chest, nodding.

“Be right there, Maria,” he says, and the Captain looks vaguely trouble as she regards him. “Take your phone call, Captain.”

He leaves the kitchen, unable to push the oddly sad look on her face from his mind as the door shut behind him.


	3. innocent as a rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda returns from New York with an unexpected guest, and Phil begins to wonder if his feelings are starting to shift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Thank you for your patience, with me and this story. I'd say we have maybe two more chapters left, and then an epilogue. Title is from Sixteen Going on Seventeen. Let me know what you think!

The children, as usual, are surly and upset at learning their mother was going back to the city sooner than expected.

“But _why_ , Mama?” Daisy asks, arms folded over her chest as Melinda brushed through her hair, securing it in two pigtails. “You were just gone.”

“I know, Daisy. It’s just for a few days,” Melinda assures her- the little girl still pouts though, slouching in her seat, and Phil frowns from where he’s packing lunches. “Daisy, you need to sit up, please.”

“No,” the little girl sank even further into the seat, and it wasn’t until Maria came into the room that she perked up.

“Come on, Daisy. Grab your lunch, we don’t want to miss the bus,” Maria summons her sister, who slid off the chair and went to the counter- Phil handed her the Frozen lunch bag, winking at her to draw a small little giggle from the little girl. Maria took the rest of the lunches to bring to her siblings, barely even looking at her mother as she left the room. “Bye Mom.”

Melinda looked a little helpless at the dismissal from her eldest daughter and her youngest not even acknowledging her as they left the kitchen. Phil pushes aside his own hurt feelings- as unnecessary and strange as they were- to touch her arm lightly.

“They’re just hurt. They miss you when you’re gone,” he tells her quietly, and the Captain stiffens a little.

“I think I know how to understand my children’s moods,” she says through a clenched jaw, subtly taking her arm from his grasp. “My job pays for this house, for their school, and for their activities. They know that.”

Phil looked at her for a moment as she flexes her fingers before he speaks.

“If you think any of those kids would prefer their ‘activities’,” he uses air quotes around the word, watching as Melinda’s eyebrow rose. “Over seeing you all the time, I don’t think you know your children quite as well as you think you do.”

Melinda says nothing, a muscle in her jaw twitching.

“Enjoy your trip to New York, Captain,” he says simply before he leaves the room.

The kids are at school for the day, so he ensconces himself in his room, and reads his bible. He listens as the Captain leaves for the airport, and finds his focus swerving from the Scriptures to his employer. How one singular woman could be so infuriatingly distracted, he couldn’t understand- no one had ever inspired such feelings as Captain May within him. And if Phil was perfectly honest, he didn’t know what to make of those feelings.

“Phil!” he’s startled from his thoughts by Daisy bursting through his door, paper in hand. “My teacher loved the picture I drew!”

Phil set his bible aside and helped the little girl onto the bed, inspecting the pink construction paper in her hands.

“Are these your siblings?” he asks, and Daisy nods vigorously. She points out each of the children, and the black-cloaked figure she claims is her mother.

“And that’s you!” she points to the figure next to the stove, making some kind of brown square in a pan. “You’re making grilled cheese ‘cause it’s my favorite.”

Phil smiled at that, stroking a hand over Daisy’s hair as she curled into his side, launching into a story from her lunch hour. She’s trying to tell him a joke her friend Matt had told her, but she kept giggling between words, when they both look up at footsteps, and the rest of the May clan shuffled into his room, stretching out over his bed.

“Do we have to go to activities tonight, Phil? Can’t we just stay inside? It’s raining,” Bobbi complains, and Phil looks out the window in surprise- he hadn’t even noticed. The rest of the kids chime in, bemoaning the weather, and he shakes his head fondly.

“Fine. We’ll stay in tonight- but that means we do something at least slightly educational,” he answers, and they all start chattering excitedly as Phil ushers them downstairs so he can finish preparing the dinner he’d started cooking before they’d left for school.

“There’s a documentary about volcanoes on Netflix,” Jemma informs them, scrolling through the family tablet at the table. Clint made a face.

“Another documentary? Mom made us watch one last week,” he complained, and Jemma huffed.

“Well fine, then _you_ pick something educational then if you have such a strong opinion on documentaries,” she pushes the tablet at the blonde teenager, who looks vaguely chastised as he takes the screen.

“We could always play a board game,” Natasha suggests, and a few heads shoot up in interest. “We haven’t had a Pictionary tournament in a while.”

“I like that game!” Daisy pipes up, and when Fitz nods, it seems to settle it for the group. Phil smiles down at the chili he’s stirring as he listens to the kids divide themselves into teams, and mentally pats himself on the back for getting their minds off their mother leaving.

Now if only his mind could do the same.

_

He didn’t even remember falling asleep on the couch after a surprisingly exhausting Pictionary tournament, but he’s awoken by Peggy’s light shaking.

“Phil, dear- you won’t want to sleep on the couch, I know from experience it will not do wonders for your back,” she tells him softly, and Phil winces as he sits up.

“What time is it?” he asks, and Peggy checks her watch.

“Nearly two am. Go get some sleep- the kids have a day off of school tomorrow so not such an early start,” the housekeeper reminds him, and Phil nods, rubbing at his eyes and yawning before he got off the couch.

The dream he’d been having starts to slip away, but one image cements itself in his brain, leaving him even more confused than before. He rubs his eyes harder, but the image of Captain May smiling softly up at him, arms around his neck, is all he can see.

He falls into his bed, shifting under the covers, and sinks back into dreams. They’re muddled, and Phil sleeps restlessly. He wakes up tired, head full of Captain May and confusion. The kids are hyper, having off from school and a mother-free house, and Phil is too tired to reign them in.

They tire themselves out by mid-afternoon, and they all collectively agree on some Disney movie to watch while Phil cleans up- he’s finishing the dishes when he hears Bobbi exclaim “Mama!” excitedly, and then he can hear the movement of bodies.

He slowly dries his hands, turning off the water and wiping the counter before he returns to the living room. The kids are gathered around the Captain, happy to see her, and she has one of her rare, genuine smiles on her face. She looks up at Phil’s footsteps, and her smile grows a little- until there’s noise behind her, and the door pushes open further to reveal a tall, blonde man carrying two suitcases.

 _Steve_ , Phil thinks instantly. This is who Melinda spends all her time with in New York. Only he’s here, now, and Phil can’t quite wrap his head around it.

“Who’s he?” Daisy asks, loud and doubtful as she takes in the stranger; Steve shuts the door behind him, and Melinda looks up at him as he comes to stand behind her, a hand at her waist.

“This is Steve; he’s who I’ve been seeing in New York,” Melinda told them, and Maria folded her arms as her face darkened. “He’s going to be staying here for a little while.”

“But Phil is in the only guest room, Mama,” Jemma reminds her, and Melinda clears her throat before she answers.

“Steve will be staying in my room,” she answers, and Nat gives a soft little snort.

“Joy,” is all she says before she walks away, picking up her backpack and disappearing upstairs- Maria and Clint are close behind. Melinda watches them go with a frown, but doesn’t stop them. She introduces Steve to the younger children, and he greets them with a broad smile.

“I’ve heard a lot about you guys,” he says, and even his voice is handsome. “I’m excited to get to know you some more.”

The four kids nod warily before excusing themselves, and even Daisy disappears upstairs.

“Steve, this is Phil, my nanny,” Melinda introduces them, and Steve’s handshake is firm as he grips Phil’s hand.

“Nice to meet you Phil. Can’t say I’ve seen a male nanny before,” he says, and Phil merely shrugs.

“I’m good at what I do,” he answers, not elaborating more, and excusing himself- but not before he caught the way Captain May’s face fell just the slightest bit as he did so.

It left an off sort of ache in his chest, but he shoved it aside, and went to see if any of the kids needed help with their homework.

_

Dinner is an awkward affair- the children didn’t know how to behave around Steve, and Melinda seems caught between her children and their guest. Phil is in the middle, quiet and observing.

“We’re having a party, tomorrow night,” Melinda tells them once the dishes are clear. That at least piques their interest, and some of the tension leaves her shoulders. “Your Uncle Tony will be here.”

“Is he bringing Aunt Pepper?” Bobbi asked excitedly, and Melinda nodded.

“Yes, he is,” she answers, and the children all seem to buzz a little. “It’s a dress up party, so pick which outfits you want tonight and make sure they’re laid out.”

The kids all nod and scramble from the table; Phil cleans up the stray dishes and starts the water in the sink, rolling up his sleeves. He flicks on the radio, finding a classics station before he starts. He can hear Melinda and Steve talking quietly, but focuses on the strumming guitar of the song playing.

The water is loud enough that he doesn’t hear the footsteps, and he jumps a little at the voice.

“The children are unhappy,” Captain May says, and Phil wipes sauce from a plate, running it under clean water before placing it in the drain board. “I thought…I thought bringing Steve here would make it easier.”

She gives a small sigh, and looks at Phil like he’s supposed to have some answer for her- but all he can see is the echoes of last night’s dreams, and it leaves his heart twisted and tangled even more.

“They just need time,” he tells her after a moment, turning off the water and pulling the drain. “It’s been just you and them for a long time. Look at how many nannies you went through.”

“And yet you’ve managed to stay,” she answers softly, face creased in thought. “For over ten months. We’ve never had a nanny this long.”

“Like I said earlier- I’m good at what I do,” Phil replies simply. “Goodnight, Captain.”

He leaves her in the kitchen, with a strange little ache resonating in his chest.

_

The next day is spent preparing for the party- Phil and Peggy are busy while the children are at school, cleaning and straightening and preparing enough food for a small army. Melinda and Steve are absent; she had taken him out to show him the sights of the city, and Phil found he was grateful for that.

His feelings regarding the captain were continuing to grow in odd ways- she invaded his dreams nearly every night, and when he looked at her there was just…a _feeling_ , in his chest. He couldn’t describe it- had never felt it before. But it was strong and hot and Phil couldn’t make it go away.

The children come home and are instructed not to touch anything- Maria and Natasha disappear to do their makeup, and Bobbi is invited to watch with the promise they’d put some eye shadow on.

Phil leaves Peggy with the final preparations to go get ready himself- Daisy is waiting at the top of the steps, and beams at the sight of him.

“Phil, look at my dress- it twirls!” she tells him excitedly, spinning to show off the way the pink skirt did indeed twirl.

“You look beautiful Daisy,” Phil tells her, stroking a few specks of glitter off her cheeks- how that child always seemed to have glitter on her, he’d never know. “Are your siblings ready?”

“Clint is helping Fitz with his bowtie, and Maria was doing Jemma’s hair! She wanted to do curls in her ponytail tonight,” Daisy informs him, and Phil can’t help but smile. “Look! Nat let me borrow her spider clip for tonight!”

She shows him the clip in her hair, and Phil compliments it, drawing another beaming smile from Daisy. He sends her to check on the boys while he gets ready- it’s a simple dark blue suit with a blue tie, and he carefully does the steps the way Peggy had taught him. She’d even given him a pair of old cufflinks- she’d said they were her late husband’s, and she wanted them to be put to good use.

The kids are waiting on the landing, all dressed up, when Phil leaves his room- it’s Maria that gives a small little gasp.

“Phil, you look so handsome,” she tells him, adjusting his tie a little and smoothing out his shoulders.

“It’s just a suit,” he counters, and Maria shakes her head, ponytail bobbing with her movements.

“C’mon- Mom’s waiting.”

_

The party ends up being loud and boisterous, and the kids all gather around Phil outside on the terrace after a little while, where you can still hear the music. People none of them recognized were there, and their Uncle Tony (who Phil had learned was a close family friend, not an actual relative) and Aunt Pepper were deep in conversation with Melinda and Steve.

“Phil! Teach me how to dance,” Bobbi bunches her fingers up under her chin as she asks, and Phil laughs, shaking his head softly. The music slows to a waltz, and he lets the twelve year old stand on his shoes.

“Alright, fine. Waltzes are in threes,” he tells the children gathered, and Daisy leans back against Maria, sighing contentedly. “See? One- two- three. One- two- three.”

Bobbi giggles as he spins her, blonde ringlets flying, and Jemma requests a turn. He lets the little girl up on his toes, wincing a little, though he twirls her without complaint.

“Your form could use work,” they all look up at the Captain’s voice, and Phil’s heart stutters a little in his chest. She looks ravishing- a tight fitting purple dress hugs her curves and shows off her collarbones, and her hair is up in a twist, a few tendrils trailing down her cheeks. “Let me help.”

She helps Jemma off Phil’s feet, kissing her daughter’s cheek, before she steps into Phil’s space; she grasps his hands, placing one at her waist and slipping her hand into the other. He swallowed, meeting her gaze, and they step off together.

He hates how natural it feels to have her in his arms. How easy it is to dance in sync with her; how he can feel her heart beating against his. He holds her a little closer as they spin, following the steps naturally- she spins out before he pulls her back, and her face is so close to his, he can feel her warm breath over his lips.

They walk in a circle, hands overhead and eyes locked, and the rest of the world filters out- the kids, the party, the sky and ground and the air itself. All he can see are dark brown eyes and parted lips. The heat in his chest expands, spilling down his spine to his toes and his fingertips, everywhere his skin seemed to touch hers.

The clapping drags them both back to reality- Steve steps forward from the terrace doorway, slow clapping as he walks towards them. The kids part for him, all silent, and Phil swallows as he steps back.

“That was incredible,” Steve comments, his arm wrapping around Melinda’s waist, and the lump in Phil’s throat drops to his stomach. “I can hardly get her to dance when it’s just the two of us, let alone in front of her kids.”

“Just lucky, I guess,” Phil said, and Melinda straightens her spine. “Come on kids- it is way past Daisy’s bedtime, and I know a few other kids who could use some sleep.”

The lack of argument is due to Steve’s presence, he knows, and he could have sworn he heard Nat whisper “He ruins everything” as he followed the kids inside- he looks over his shoulder to find Steve’s thumb stroking the Captain’s cheek, and he quickly turns back to the kids, picking Daisy up when she tugged on his sleeve sleepily.

He shoved down the warm feeling in his chest dancing with the Captain had rekindled. He couldn’t indulge those feelings anyway, he reminds himself.

No matter _how_ nice they felt.


	4. moon on their wings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil learns exactly what he's feeling- and tries to run from it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the delay with this chapter. I fell out of writing for AoS for a while, and then just lost inspiration. But hopefully this chapter makes up for it. Only the epilogue remains after this- we're almost done! Thank you so much for all the support and love for this story; it means the absolute world to me. Please let me know what you think! Title is from My Favorite Things.

Phil doesn’t quite know what his place is, the next morning.

May and Steve are in the kitchen with Peggy, getting breakfast for the children before school when he arises- his help isn’t needed, and he simply feels like an unnecessary set of hands. So he simply observes, nursing a cup of coffee while activity flurries around him.

“Bye Phil! I’ll miss you,” Daisy tells him on her way out, blowing him an elaborate kiss before she wraps her hand around Maria’s. The teenager waves, giving him a small smile, and Phil waves back, smiling at the cluster of children tumbling out the door together for the bus, all of them chorusing out a goodbye to him. It leaves a warm, pleasant sensation in his chest as he watches them go, and his affection for the May children shines bright around his heart.

Phil rinses his mug out in the sink and feels May’s eyes on him; he can’t look at her, too self-conscious from their dance the night before and the subsequent dream invasion that had occurred once he'd managed to fall into a fitful sleep last night. His feelings were a jumble he couldn’t even begin to unravel, and his proximity to her wasn’t helping matters.

“Phil,” he looks up at Steve’s voice- he’d made it halfway into his room before the other man had caught him, and he squares his shoulders before he faces the taller man.

“How can I help you, Steve?” he asks, working hard to keep his voice even. Steve smiles pleasantly, hand on the wall beside them.

“Your dance with Melinda last night was truly something," he starts conversationally, and Phil's eyebrows crease in confusion. "I thought monks weren't meant to fall in love."

"In love? I'm- you're mistaken, Mr. Rogers," Phil tells him, shaking his head, and Steve's mouth merely curves in something like amusement.

"I don't think I am- I saw the way you looked at her last night. And I think there's a tiny little part of her that might just think she's in love with you too," he replies, and Phil feels his heart beat faster in his chest, stomach twisting itself into knots.

"I- I have to go," Phil's voice is faint, and he turns without another word, not even closing the door before he's pulling the bag he'd traveled from the monastery with, starting to pack the few things he'd brought with him. He can't stay here- not with the knowledge that the confused, jumbled feelings he'd been having were actually  _love_.

But something stops him from leaving, and he knows it's the thought of the children coming home to find him gone, without an explanation. The thought of Daisy's crushed face twists something in his chest enough that he leaves his bag just inside the door of his room, and quietly descends the stairs.

How Steve had known his feelings, Phil can't understand- and why he hadn't told the Captain was even more of a mystery. He didn't believe the blonde man's assertion that she returned his feelings- it was simply impossible, and he brushed the comment aside. He's debating making another cup of coffee when the back door opens, and the Captain and Steve step inside, cheeks pink from the autumn air.

"Phil," the Captain greets, lips curved into a small smile, and Phil feels his knees go a little weak at the warmth in her gaze. But his throat fills with lead when he remembers Steve's words, and he swallows.

"How can I help you, Captain?" he asks, voice soft, and the Captain's eyebrows knit together at the formal question.

"Well, how about finding a bottle of champagne? I've just asked Melinda to marry me, and she said yes," Steve answers for her, and Phil feels his stomach bottom out as white noise fills his ears. Self-preservation has him congratulating them in what he hopes is an even voice, and excusing himself as Peggy takes over, bringing out glasses.

He catches sight of the Captain's face as he exits the room, and for just a moment, there's something so oddly  _hurt_  creasing her features he can't make sense of it, but he pushes it aside. He grabs his bags, and allows the quiet celebration in the kitchen to mask his departure. He lays the envelope holding the note he’d written carefully on the hall table, and allows himself one last glimpse at the place he’d called home for the last months before he slips outside, walking through the mist towards the bus stop- and hopes the children will find a way to forgive him some day.

* * *

 

The children are quiet.

She had been a parent for ten years, and never had her house been this quiet- not with seven children occupying it. There was constant chatter, continual arguing, and a steady stream of noise.

But ever since Phil had disappeared into the mist days prior, leaving nothing but a short note with his apologies, the noise had ceased. Something inside her chest had shifted, and the new ring on her finger feels more like a lead weight than the joyous gift that it should. She loves Steve- she does- but he feels more like an intruder in her home, the way her children look at him when he joins their circle outside, tossing the ball between them.

“Mama?” she looks up at Daisy’s voice, and her youngest looks so forlorn it breaks her heart into even tinier pieces.

“Yes, Daisy?” she asks, working to keep her voice even and setting the book she’d barely been pretending to read aside.

“When is Phil coming back?” she asks, resting her chin on her hand. Melinda’s eyebrows crinkle together, and she feels Steve’s shoulders contract beside her- he’d been pleased to learn her nanny wouldn’t be returning to work, for reasons she couldn’t quite fathom, and hadn’t delved into yet.

“He isn’t, sweetheart,” she answers, and this time, all the children’s heads shoot up to look at her. “I told you what his note said. He missed his life at the monastery. He said he was going home.”

“But he didn’t even say _goodbye_ ,” Natasha contradicted, shaking her head, and her heart hurts for how passionate her daughter looks. It wasn’t often the redhead allowed people into her heart, and Melinda had seen the way Natasha had grown close with Phil as the months had passed- it had never happened with any of the other nannies she’d employed.

Phil had been special, and now he was gone, leaving a wide gap in her family.

“Well then who’s our new nanny going to be?” Bobbi asks, quiet but angry already, and Melinda swallows, looking at Steve. He gives her a smile, bright as always, and Melinda tries to smile back.

“You won’t be needing a new nanny,” she tells them, watching confusion cross their faces. “Steve has asked me to marry him, and I’ve said yes.”

She watches it click first with Maria, and dismay fills her as her eldest stands up.

“We won’t need a new nanny because we’re getting a new Daddy, guys,” the distain in Maria’s voice cuts her, and Melinda frowns.

“Maria,” she starts, but her daughter speaks again before she can continue.

“I don’t really want to hear it, Mom. Congrats,” she throws the final words over her shoulder, disappearing up the stairs- there are a few long beats of silence, and the children seem torn between their sister and their mother. Clint and Natasha follow Maria, while Daisy at least comes over, kissing Melinda’s cheek before scampering off up the stairs. Jemma and Fitz do the same after a moment, and Bobbi waves, biting at her lip and picking at her nails before she ultimately goes upstairs without saying a word.

Heaviness fills Melinda’s chest, and for the first time in many years, the urge to cry wells up inside her. She takes a deep breath, and wonders what Phil would say if he was here.

Steve’s hand touches her back, and the urge to sink into the touch is almost equal with the desire to move away from him.

Melinda drops her head into her hands and closes her eyes.

* * *

 

It takes a fair amount of bribing, but once their mother and Steve are gone, Maria manages to convince Peggy to drive them to the monastery.

They all squeeze into the van, and Daisy dozes off during the drive, while Maria looks out the window, hands clenched into fists. Peggy looks over at her, reaching out to cover one of her fists gently.

“He may not want to come back,” she tells her softly, glancing back at the younger children- they were all either drifting between being awake and asleep, or occupied with something else, and Maria lets out a shaky breath.

“I know. But I have to try,” she whispers, looking up at the housekeeper with large, dark eyes. “He’s- he’s our family too. He isn’t just our nanny.”

Peggy looks over at her, features softening as she look in the teenager, and she gently brushed away the tear that felt from Maria’s eyes with a red painted nail.

“I know, darling.”

Peggy waits in the car as Maria leads her siblings to the door- they ring the bell, waiting anxiously as footsteps sound, coming closer.

A taller man with a kind face answers, looking at them with mild confusion.

“Hello children. How can I help you?” he asks, pushing dark curls out of his face and adjusting his glasses on his nose.

“We’re here to see Phil, please!” Daisy speaks up from Maria’s side, and the priest’s thick eyebrows contract for a moment before understanding dawns in his eyes.

“Oh- Father Phil. Come on in,” he tells them, smiling as he opened the door wider, and they all shuffled inside. “Wait here, please.”

He left them just inside the entryway and headed over to where two other men were standing, conversing for a moment. One of the other men came over, giving them a smile.

“I’m Father James. I understand you’re inquiring about Father Phil?” he asks pleasantly, and they all nod.

“We’d like to see her. Can you tell her we’re here, please?” Clint asks, and Father James gives them another smile, but shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, but Phil is in seclusion- he isn’t seeing anyone,” he informs them, and the group frowns.

“But- it’s really important. We have to see him,” Maria presses.

“He’ll see us, if he knows we’re here. Will you please go tell him?” Jemma adds, and Father James’ smile starts to look less genuine.

“Pl-please. Please s-s-sir?” Fitz asks, his stutter becoming more pronounced the more stressed he became, and both Jemma and Daisy squeezed his hands tighter.

“I’m sorry children, but not today. Maybe some other time,” Father James tells them, finality in his words. Protests issue from their mouths, but they’re herded towards the door, and it’s shut in their faces gently.

“We didn’t even get to see him,” Daisy says, tears forming in her eyes, and Maria picks her up and she begins to sob.

* * *

 

“What was that about?” Father Fury asks Father James as the door shuts, and he sighs.

“The May children, here to see Father Phil,” he answers, and Fury sighs.

“Has he said anything?” he asks, and James shakes his head.

“Not a word, except in prayer,” he answers, and they start to walk. “It’s odd- he does seem happy to be back but at the same time, he’s so unhappy.”

Fury frowned, hands clasped behind his back.

“Perhaps I’ve been wrong in leaving him alone for so long. I think you’d better bring him to me- even if he isn’t ready,” he tells James, who nods.

“Yes, Holy Father,” he replies as they part ways, Fury heading back towards his office.

Sometime later, a knock sounded- when he bid them enter, James entered with Phil, and he stood, shaking Phil’s hand.

“You’ve been unhappy- I’m sorry. Why did they send you back to us?” he asked, and emotion crossed Phil’s face before he swallowed, shaking his head.

“They didn’t send me back. I left,” he told him, and Fury frowned.

“Sit down, Phil. Tell me what happened.”

“When I was there I- I was confused. I felt things I’ve never- I didn’t know how to handle. Here I’m safe. I know how to feel, how to be,” Phil said, and Fury’s frown deepened.

“The monastery isn’t meant to be used as an escape,” he said, and Phil shook his head, gaze dropping to his lap.

“I can’t go back. I couldn’t- I can’t. I can’t face her again,” he says, and Fury’s eyes widened before understanding clicked. He looked up, nodding.

“Thank you, Father James,” he said, and the other priest nodded, leaving them alone and shutting the office door. “Captain May? Are you in love with her?”

“I don’t know!” Phil bursts out, voice laced with emotion, and curiosity fills Fury. “I don’t know. Captain Rogers- Captain Rogers said I was, and that she was with me, but I didn’t want to believe it. I couldn’t believe it. But- there were times when we would look at each other and- Father it felt like I could hardly breathe.”

“Did you let her see how you felt?”

“If I did I didn’t know it- I didn’t mean to. I didn’t even know that’s _how_ I felt,” Phil answers. “That’s what’s been torturing me- I was there on God’s errand. To have asked for his love would have been wrong. I couldn’t stay- I just couldn’t.”

“A love between man and woman is no less holy than a love between man and God,” Fury tells him with amusement, a softness in his face. “And you cannot commit yourself to life here without finding out if she does love you. You must go back, Phil.”

“Please don’t make me go back. Let me stay here,” Phil’s eyes widen, and Fury shakes his head.

“This monastery’s walls were not build to keep out problems. You have to face them. You must live the life you were born to live,” Fury tells him. “Go back. Find out the truth.”

Phil sighs, shoulders slumping, but nods tiredly.

* * *

 

Nerves line his stomach as he walks down the familiar street, but he can’t help the smile that slides onto his face at the sight of the children, all sprawled out in the front yard and half-heartedly tossing a ball around. He can’t help but tease them, having missed them more than he could ever say while he was away.

“I leave for three days and you all become lazy bums?”

“Phil?!” Daisy leaps up, leaves stuck in her hair but tiny face alight with joy, and something in his chest splutters back to life, warmth pooling. “I knew you weren’t gone forever!”

She’s the first to take off, tackling him in a hug, but it isn’t long before all the children are piling onto him, hugging him tightly- and it’s like coming home, feeling seven sets of hands latching onto him, making sure he’s real.

“We have so much to tell you!” Jemma tugs on his sleeve, and Phil smiles, stroking a hand over her hair.

“I have so much to tell you too,” he answers, before his attention is caught by Natasha.

“Ours is more important. Mom and Steve are getting married,” she tells him, and Phil’s smile is small and sad.

He hears the footsteps on the front porch, and knows she’s there- can feel the weight of her gaze on him, taking him in.

“Look Mama- Phil’s back! I told you he’d come back!” Daisy’s voice is still filled with excitement, and Phil lifts his gaze to look at the Captain. Her hair is uncharacteristically up, and her mouth curves into a small, genuine smile as she looks at him, catching his eyes. There’s true happiness at his arrival in her face, and what he now recognizes as love filters through his body as he looks back at her.

“Go on inside children- dinner’s ready,” she tells them, and they all chatter excitedly. Bobbi and Natasha take his suitcases, and they all spill around him, heading into the house. May walks down the stairs, coming towards him, and he feels his heart beating loudly in his chest.

“You left without saying goodbye- even to the children,” she says, and the words are quiet, but they seem to echo so loudly in his head.

“I’m sorry- it was wrong of me,” he tells her, and he can’t quite read the look at crosses her face.

“Why did you?” she asks.

“Please don’t ask me that,” he answers, and he’d been stupid to return- stupid to think something would have changed, that she’d no longer be engaged to Steve.

It’s as though his thought summons him, and the tall blonde man appears.

“Phil! You’ve returned. Isn’t that wonderful, Melinda,” he says, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, and Phil can only watch, his heart in fractures in his chest.

“I never really properly congratulated the two of you- on your engagement. I wish you every happiness,” he tells the two of them, speaking around the lump in his throat, and inclines his head before he heads towards the house.

“You are here to stay- right?” May’s voice catches him just after he passes them, and he swallows before he turns to face them, shaking his head.

“No. Just until arrangements can be made for a new nanny- without such a quick exit,” he answers, lips quirking upwards momentarily before he turns frontwards again and heads into the house, leaving them.

* * *

 

With Phil’s return, Steve takes her out to dinner.

The children are too occupied with Phil to really care, and Phil seems to be having a hard to looking her in the eyes, so she lets Steve lead her to the car, driving them into the city and to a small bistro he’d discovered.

If Melinda is being honest, she’s distracted the whole evening. Steve talks about wedding preparations the entire time, but her mind is on Phil, and why he’d returned- and why he’d even left in the first place. She couldn’t quite piece it together, and it _bothered_ her.

What she does know is that Phil being back makes her feel like some part of her life is _whole_ again- like some piece of her has returned, fit back into place, and if that’s the truth, she can’t marry Steve. It isn’t fair, and part of her knew that- even when she’d agreed to marry him. She cared for Steve, yes, but she wasn’t in love with him.

It wasn’t Steve that made sure her children’s lunches were packed in the morning, or who knew which lullaby could get Daisy back to sleep after a nightmare. It wasn’t Steve that stayed up late talking to her about her time in the Air Force, or her fears about her children.

It was Phil that had taken the time to know her, and this wasn’t fair to either of them.

“Steve,” she interrupts him, and the blonde man looks up from his menu. “I think we both know that this isn’t…this isn’t fair. To either of us.”

Steve’s eyebrows knit together, and Melinda reached across the table, taking his hands.

“I care for you- deeply. But this isn’t going to work- and we both know why,” she gives him a soft smile, squeezing his fingers. She pulls away, and takes off the ring from her finger, pressing it into his palms. “Find someone who deserves that ring.”

Steve gives her a smile.

“I had a feeling it wasn’t going to work out. I need someone who needs me desperately, you know,” he says, and Melinda gives a soft laugh. She stands, pushing back from the table- she rounds it, bending to kiss his cheek.

“Goodnight, Steve,” she murmurs, and he squeezes her elbow lightly.

“Leave my things with Peggy. I won’t disturb you,” he tells her softly, and she nods before she leaves him- the heaviness of the last few days gone as she leaves the ring behind in his care.

There was a certain nanny she needed to find.

* * *

 

She finds him out near the gazebo. She hasn’t even changed out of her dress, the blue material swishing around her knees, and her heart feels so full it may burst out of her chest.

She sits opposite him on the stone bench, and Phil jumps the tiniest bit, looking at her.

“Why did you go back?” she asks him quietly, without preamble, and he turns his head a little, curious. “To the monastery? And why did you come back here?”

“I had a commitment,” he answers after a moment. “I had to go back and tell them I couldn’t take the holy orders. And I came back because…I missed the children.”

“Oh. The children. Of course,” Melinda replies after a moment, picking at a thread in the hem of her dress in interest, dark hair tumbling around her shoulders. “Only the children?”

“No- I mean yes. I mean- isn’t it right, that I missed them?” Phil answers, voice filled with his inner turmoil, and Melinda shrugs a shoulder.

“Of course you should, you’ve spent the last near year with them,” she murmurs, before she clears her throat. “I was only hoping that, maybe…”

She trails off, and feels Phil’s eyes on her.

“Hoping that what?” he asks, and Melinda sits up a little straighter.

“It’s just…nothing was the same, when you were gone, and it won’t be the same when you leave,” she admits, fiddling with her dress. Phil is looking at her in that way he does, his blue eyes focused entirely on her, just a little bit heavy lidded, and her stomach warms. “And I was wondering if there was any way you would change your mind.”

Phil drops his gaze, standing up from the bench and walking a few feet.

“I’m sure Captain Rogers would have something to say about that,” he says, and Melinda clears her throat, finger tracing a scratch in the stone.

“Phil,” she says, and he pauses. “Steve left. We’ve called off our engagement.”

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Phil replies, and Melinda gets up off the bench, coming to stand with him in the doorway of the gazebo.

“Yes, well- wait, you are?” she asks, looking up at him, and he swallows, dropping his gaze to his shoes.

“You really broke it off?” he asks, and Melinda nods, gaze dipping to his undone collar.

“You see you can’t….marry someone, when you’re in love with someone else,” she confesses softly, looking up and finding his mouth merely inches from hers, his blue eyes bright in the moonlight. “Can you?”

Phil slowly shakes his head, eyes locked with hers as his lips curl into a slow half-smile, and the entire world stops as he reaches his hand down to touch her chin, and slowly bring her mouth up to his. The kiss is as sweet as the waffles he makes for the children every morning, and Melinda sighs against him, palms sliding to rest over his heart. The fast pace under her hand matches the one in her chest, and contentment swirls through her veins.

They break apart slowly, eyes drifting open, and her heart flutters at the matching contentment in Phil’s gaze as he looks at her. “Father Fury always said you have to look for your life.”

“Is that why you came back?” she whispers, thumb brushing along his jawbone, and he nods, hands playing with the ends of her hair. “And have you found it?”

Phil looks at her for a few long, heart-stopping moments before his lips curled into a smile, and he nodded again. “I think I have.”

He leans down, kissing her forehead, before he whispers again, sending flutters of warmth down her spine.

“I know I have.”


	5. standing there loving me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How do you always look so cheerful in the morning?” she asks, rolling onto her back and looking up at him. Phil reached his free hand out, brushing her hair out of her face.
> 
> “I wake up next to you,” he tells her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're complete! This story has been a delight to write, and I'm sad to see it go, but I do hope you like this epilogue. Title is from Something Good. Please let me know what you think! I hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as I have.

“The kids will be up soon.”

“Mmm.”

“That means we have to get up.”

Melinda groans, turning to bury her face in the pillow, and Phil watches her in amusement, his own head resting on his hand.

“How do you always look so cheerful in the morning?” she asks, rolling onto her back and looking up at him. Phil reached his free hand out, brushing her hair out of her face.

“I wake up next to you,” he tells her, leaning over to press his mouth to hers, and Melinda melts against him, cupping the back of his head to make the kiss last a few moments longer. “C’mon. It’s Saturday, let’s make pancakes.”

Daisy is just emerging from her room as they step out, and she brightens instantly, bounding towards them. Phil scoops her up, letting her loop her arms around his neck and rest her head against his sleepily.

“Good morning Daisy,” he says, and she hugs his neck a little tighter, patting his back with tiny hands.

“Good morning. Can we have pancakes?” she asks, and Melinda shakes her head fondly, stroking back her daughter’s hair.

“We’re on our way to make them,” she tells her, and Daisy beams, nestling down in Phil’s arms. As they made their way downstairs, more doors opened, and the telltale sounds of footsteps followed them.

In the year since that night at the gazebo, life in the May household had changed. To their shock, the children really hadn’t been shocked when they had sat them down to explain their change in relationship after a few weeks. They’d been hesitant to tell the children- Melinda in particular after their reaction to Steve.

But all of the children had merely sighed in relief, and Natasha had replied with “Finally!” while Maria had simply told them they were terrible at sneaking around.

And while they _had_ taken things slowly, they both were acutely aware that this was _it_ for the two of them. It felt too soon to consider marriage or anything remotely close, but they were both comfortable in the knowledge that they’d found their other half.

It had been easy to shift from their working relationship to a romantic one, and Melinda had shifted her work schedule so that there were no more long trips out of state, leaving her home more with both the children and Phil. Within weeks they felt like a family; a feeling Phil hadn’t experienced- truly experienced- in years. Not since before his mother had died and he’d gone to the monastery.

Six months into their relationship, they’d gotten married- a small ceremony at the monastery, performed by Father Fury. Nothing had ever felt as right as calling Melinda May his wife, and Phil knew he’d truly found his place in life.

“I never imagined this could be my life,” Phil had told her softly one night; they’d watched a movie with the children, and they’d all fallen asleep; Maria and Natasha on the couch, Clint on the floor with Jemma and Fitz sprawled across his chest, while Bobbi and Daisy were snuggled up together on the opposite armchair. Melinda had been in Phil’s lap, curled up and content as the movie credits rolled, simply watching their children sleep, fingers stroking over his chest. “I have so much more than I ever dreamed.”

“This is right where you’re supposed to be,” she reminded him, tilting her head until she could meet his gaze, hand shifting to cup his jaw. Phil leaned down, kissing her gently, and they both sighed in contentment. “C’mon. Let’s get the kids in bed.”

“Need help with the bacon?” Clint asks as he makes his way into the kitchen and pulling Phil from his reminiscing, kissing his mom’s cheek on his way to the coffee pot.

“Sure, brand new pack’s in the fridge, bottom shelf,” Phil tells him, smiling as Clint pulls out the fry pan on his way over. He leans into Phil’s one-armed hug as he sets the pan and bacon down before taking a sip of coffee and ripping open the package of bacon.

“Can I crack the eggs?” Daisy asks from where Phil had deposited her at the counter, Melinda grabbing the mixing bowls and placing them in front of her.

“Of course, Nat can help you,” Phil said, nodding to the sleepy redheaded teen as she enter the kitchen; she gave a smile of acknowledgement, plopping down beside her little sister.

Phil is just putting the overloaded plate on the table when the last of the kids take their seats, and he takes his place opposite Melinda, catching her eye and smiling before he takes a pancake.

“So, kids- are you excited about today?” Melinda asks, and there are a collection of nods, Daisy’s the most enthusiastic.

“What time are we leaving?” she asks, and Phil grins.

“Ten o’clock, so we have to eat and get ready so we aren’t late, okay?” he says, receiving a chorus of affirmative responses before everyone digs in.

Less than an hour later, they somehow manage to have all seven children dressed and presentable along with themselves, and out the door by only five after ten- a record, in the May household. The drive is filled with excited chatter, and Melinda’s hand stays intertwined with Phil’s over the gearshift, gripping tightly.

The entire van falls uncharacteristically silent as they pull up to the building, and Phil and Melinda both turn to their children.

“You guys stay here, okay? We’ll be right back,” Melinda says, and they all nod as their parents get out of the van.

Melinda’s fingers find Phil’s as they head for the door, and she squeezes gently. The woman at the front desk beams at the sight of them, standing.

“Mr. Coulson, Captain May! Today’s the day!” she says, and Melinda looks up at her husband, nodding. “Come on, I’ll take you up.”

Together, they followed the redhead up the stairs, all the way to the last bedroom on the left. Waiting on the bed is a little girl with her brunette hair tied back in a ponytail, a blue backpack at her feet and her arms around a stuffed turtle.

“Elena, Phil and Melinda are here,” the little girl looks up, a nervous smile lighting up her face, face tapping up a jittery rhythm on the hardwood floor.

At four years old, Elena had already gone through three different foster families- all of which had returned her for having too much energy. She’s already been flagged as a high risk file, so Carol- who had handled nearly all of Melinda’s previous adoptions- had given her a call. It had been an easy decision- they’d talked about the possibility of another child, and after discussing it with the other children, they’d agreed to meet Elena.

It had been love at first sight- Elena was sassy and energetic and sweet; she interacted well with all of the other children, fitting in perfectly as the baby of the family. Before the day had even finished Melinda had called Carol and asked her to start finalizing papers to make Elena a part of their family.

“Ready to come home, Elena?” Phil asks, and Elena gives a few quick headshakes, bending to pick up her backpack and walking towards them. He offers her his hand, and she contemplates it for a moment before she extends both her arms, turtle still clutched in one; Phil’s smile softens, and he picks her up, tucking her against his hip gently.

“We’re all very excited to finally have you home with us,” Melinda tells her as they begin to head back downstairs, Elena looking at her with wide, eager eyes. “Daisy’s been excitedly talking about sharing her room all week.”

“Really?” Elena asks, voice quiet, and Melinda nods, face soft as she smiled.

“Everyone is very excited to have another little sister, but no one more than Daisy,” Phil says, and Elena squirms a little in excitement, cheeks turning pink. “Ready to see them all again? They wouldn’t let us come pick you up without them.”

Elena’s eyes widened.

“They’re all here?” she whispers, voice awed, and Phil nods.

“They wanted to spend as much time with their new sister as possible,” Melinda answers, watching as a slow smile spread over Elena’s face, the nerves from earlier finally dissipating. “Ready to see them all again?”

“Si,” Elena says, nodding excitedly this time, and Phil shifts her a little, taking Melinda’s hand as they walk towards the van, where seven excited faces are fogging up the windows.

Maria has the door open by the time they reach the van, and everyone spills out, Daisy bouncing excitedly at the front of the group.

“Hi Elena!” she exclaims as Phil sets the younger girl down, giving his older children a look to remind them to give Elena some space. “I’m so excited for you to be our sister.”

The sentiment is echoed by all the kids, and Elena ducks her head, cheeks turning pink as she shyly looked at her toes.

“Okay- let’s head home, guys,” Melinda says, and the kids all pile into the car- Phil helps Elena into the new booster seat they’d gotten, settling her beside Daisy.

“All good?” he asks, and Elena nods, holding her turtle tightly and giving him a smile. “Alright. Next stop- home.”

The drive home features the kids mostly asking Elena questions about her favorite things, and Phil and Melinda both listen with fond amusement, sharing glances frequently. Phil’s thumb brushes over Melinda’s wedding band, the metal cool against his skin, and lifts her hand to his lips.

“I love you,” he murmurs against her skin, and she squeezes his fingers, thumb brushing his knuckles.

“I know,” she whispers back, giving him a soft smile, before glancing back at their laughing family. “That call from Father Fury was the best thing to ever happen to this family. This family needed you, Phil. Maybe even more than just I did.”

Phil pulls up to the house, and the instant they’re parked, their kids are spilling out of the van.

“We’re going to help Elena get set up!” Nat said, unbuckling the little girl’s booster and helping her down to the ground- Elena took the redhead’s hand, and allowed Maria to carry her backpack. Phil and Melinda watched their gaggle of children disappear into the house, surrounding their newest sister, and Melinda leans forward, kissing her husband soundly.

“Thank you for reminding me that this house is where my heart is,” her fingers stroke his face, thumb over his jawline. “I love you, Phil.”

Phil kissed her again, hand at her waist. He went to speak, but they both pulled apart at the noise that came from above them.

“You’re gross! Come inside, we want to watch a movie,” Bobbi’s voice floated from the second story window, and they both laughed, foreheads falling together.

“Our family awaits,” Phil says, and Melinda nods, brushing her nose against his before pulling away, opening her car door.

Inside is a lively discussion over what movie to watch, and Phil’s chest warms as the feeling of home settles around him.

This was his family; this was his home.


End file.
